All is Well: A Journey in Contemplation

a. Tentative

In a world where fake news is rife, and image seems more important than reality, I feel I need to start by being honest.  I am not an expert in contemplation; I do not have years of experience; I am not even sure that I am succeeding (I’m not sure what success would look like).  To me, my life is ordinary.  I work; I look after my children; I do the housework; I meet friends; I meet like-minded people through church and through environmental groups.  But within this ordinary life there is a sense of ‘something beyond’ – something that I want to reach out and grasp, something that I want to find both out there, and in here, inside me.

I am a Christian, so the name I give to that something is ‘God’.  Calling God a something may sound heretical or blasphemous, but I am reminded that in the Bible we are told that God did not want to give himself a name.  He called himself ‘I am who I am’, and the Jewish name for God – Yahweh – was made so that it could not be spoken.  God can not be put in a box neatly, with a label: I use male pronouns for God hesitantly because God is beyond gender and sometimes using female pronouns seems to make more sense.  God is beyond our understanding, and yet he – or she -  lives in us, and we find him/her all around us in the world. 

For me, contemplation is tuning in to God.  I believe he lives in me; I believe he is ‘ever-present’, alive in creation.  Contemplation is remembering that.  Finding the peace that he gives within and beyond; tuning in to his love which is beyond my understanding.

But I am not an expert.  I write to share my journey as I explore something I do not fully understand, but believe to be there, available to all.  It is a journey that brings with it many questions and ponderings.  But also, times of clarity and revelation, when things fall into place and make sense.

All of this I hold tentatively, because my experience teaches me that when I get to the point of knowing things for sure, when I could write things down with certainty, when I can be confident of something being right, I have probably gone wrong!  The truth that is God, seems like a slippery fish: when you try to grasp it too hard it slips out of your hands.  It doesn’t want to be pinned down; it does want to be sought after.

So, I hold what I think I know lightly: not grasping on to it but holding it with an open hand.  Having an open hand and an open heart means I am open to new learning, and I am open to questioning what I was certain about.  That is the way to enable my mind to expand rather than contract, and if I am to draw near to God, if I am to be filled with God, my mind needs expansion, because God is bigger than I can imagine. God is infinite.

Amazing that this infinite God is interested in me.  Incredible that this infinite God abides in me.  And yet that I believe is true too.  And when I understand how beyond understanding God is then I come to this whole process in humility.  This is not about what I can do: it is not about my intellect, my goodness, my ability to fast, or stay awake when spending time in silence. It is not about getting it right. In God’s presence I find real humility, and I understand that this is not about me, it’s about a much, much bigger picture.  It is not even that I am consenting to be a part of it: I am recognising that I am a part of it – waking up to the reality of the presence of God.

So, if you’re reading this, can I invite you to be open to learn with me?  I share my experiences, not because I have all the answers, not because I can tell you what to do.  I share my experiences because I am learning, I am on the journey and I want to stay on the journey.  I want to catch glimpses that enlarge my thinking and allow me to catch even bigger glimpses. I want to keep learning from others and finding God where I least expect to find him.  You are very much invited to join me!