Musing #6: Let feelings be your teacher

How do you feel today? Maybe if you pause for a moment you can tune in and sense that you’re just ok.  Or maybe there’s an anger inside you, or an anxiety or a fear bubbling up.  What do you do with that emotion?  Does it consume you: eat away at you? Or do you consume it – bury it or repress it? Ignore it?

The way I respond to my emotions and feelings differs but what I am finding myself more able to do is to observe them: notice what I am feeling and be aware that it is just that – a feeling.  Feelings come, and feelings go.  An image was given to me of a mountain that stands solidly as storms pass, as snow falls, as sunshine lights up its beauty.  I am the mountain – you are the mountain.  Our emotions are the weather – they come, and they go; sometimes just what we needed, sometimes exactly what we didn’t want; sometimes a storm will last a while but not forever – the storm will pass.  Another day or season will come, and the feeling will be different. 

I find this picture helpful: it speaks to me of the equanimity I find through contemplative practices; it speaks to me of the peace that is beyond understanding.  But I am encouraged not to ignore these emotions.  A different image is found in Rumi’s poem ‘The Guesthouse’. This speaks of us as houses to which all manner of emotions arrive as guests, and his encouragement is to invite these guests in because they have their work to do: they are gifts from the beyond.  And I think, yes, let me listen to how I am feeling – let me welcome that feeling and let it teach me.

Some emotions are painful, and our instinctive reaction is to push them away or to deny them.  But what is that pain trying to communicate to you?  Just as physical pain can alert us to an injury, a danger or a disease, I find myself seeing emotional pain as a pointer to something.  And I want to listen and find what that something is – what is that messenger from beyond trying to say to me?  Is it alerting me to an ‘injury’ that I have suffered or inflicted? Is it aware of a danger that I could prepare for? Or has it seen a habit that is becoming like a disease in me – incapacitating me in some way?

The world is not an easy place to live at the moment with the effects of climate change ever more apparent; and wars; inequalities; violence.  In all this suffering I know I am not the only one who has retreated from the news – it all feels too much.  But something has been nudging me recently to re-think this decision.  I do not wish to sit in the 24-hour wash of news without an awareness of its impact on me.  But I do feel a need to take some time to sit with the news – however horrendous it may be - and feel the emotions that emerge.  Oftentimes my response to the news is one of powerlessness: I don’t know what to do about all that is going wrong in the world at the moment.  I wonder, if I sit with the emotions that the news evokes, will they become my teacher?  If I can welcome those emotions into my guest house what work will they do?

Many of our physical ills result from our attempts to numb ourselves from painful emotions and feelings – numb ourselves from our human reality.  What if we were to stop numbing ourselves, feel the pain and let it teach us?  I honestly don’t know what would happen, but I am confident that it would draw us nearer to the Love that sits at the centre of the universe.  The Love that does not wish us any harm but wishes to transform us and turn our pain into joy.

Photo by Angel Barnes on Unsplash

Rumi’s 'The Guest House' being read: https://fb.watch/pWBz_S7Ujz/

 

 Sermon: Nehemiah 8: 1-4a,8-12/ Colossians 3:12-17

Theme: Rebuilding the Walls and Drawing near to God

About this

I prepared this talk for a service in my village church in October 2020.  We were going into winter after the first Covid lockdowns – life hadn’t really opened up again.

As I read it again it still felt pertinent.  We live in a damaged world and it is important that we take our responsibility for this.  God’s response when we do this is not one of condemnation.  S/he longs for us to rebuild our walls and draw closer – see the error of our ways and choose the path of love as we move forward.

I have edited it very slightly.  There is a link to the Nehemiah passage: the Colossians passage is the last paragraph of the talk!

Link to Nehemiah:  https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Nehemiah+8%3A+1-4a%2C+8-12&version=NIVUK

I’m not sure how familiar you are with the story of Nehemiah.  It is worth putting this passage into context.  Nehemiah worked for the King of Persia – a position that gave him money and power – but when he heard about the situation in Jerusalem – the walls destroyed, the city in ruins - he was overcome with grief and asked the king for permission to leave and rebuild it.  In the chapters leading up to our reading we learn of Nehemiah’s prayers and action, of how he worked with the people of Jerusalem to re-build the city walls – if you read chapter 3 you will find a list of all the people who were working together to repair the wall.  You get a sense of the people all catching hold of Nehemiah’s vision and joining the work.  The work doesn’t come without problems – Nehemiah had to sort out situations which had caused some to be living in poverty, he faced opposition to what he was doing and people tried to stir up problems for him with the king – but Nehemiah held steady and with a huge team effort the wall was completed and ‘by the seventh month the Israelites were settled in their towns’, many of them returning from captivity.

For me there’s a picture here already of our spiritual lives.  Because we lose our way: we get captured by other things around us, and our walls get damaged.  We need to recognise this, as Nehemiah did, and come back to God and rebuild our walls – as a community and as individuals. These are difficult times.  I wonder where we’re feeling damaged at the moment.  I wonder what has captured us.  I wonder what it is we need to return to, and where we need to start re-building?  These are difficult times for us as individuals, as a church, as a village, as humanity.  Are we alert to what is happening in all this spiritually and are we ready to come back to God and start re-building?

Back to our passage.  Nehemiah has returned to Jerusalem.  The people have worked; the walls are rebuilt; the people of Israel are together again.  So, is it time for a party? Not just yet. First, they gather together to hear from the ‘book of the teachings of God’.  From early morning until noon – men, women and children, stand and listen to the teachings of God.  Listening attentively with the Levites explaining to them what was being said.

What struck me as I read this passage was their response.  The people cried as they listened to the words of the teachings.  Why did they cry?  My first thought is that they must have been exhausted with everything that they had been through both in the last few months, and before then.  I wonder if they could really believe where they were and what they were doing.  But from what is said their tears were not tears of joy at the completion of the wall, or tears of relief that they are coming together as a people.  These are tears of regret and repentance.  As they heard the word of God they realised how far they had strayed.  They realised just how far they had gone wrong.  And not just them, but their ancestors before them.

I am struck that we are in a very similar place.  When we gather to hear God’s word does it not show us just how far we have strayed?  And not just us but our ancestors?  The world that we live in is a result of our greed, our selfishness, our desire to be right, our desire to have an easy life.  We live in a broken-ness of our own creating – where many experience loneliness, where there is hate, prejudice and discord, where people suffer from hunger and violence, in which the very planet that sustains us is reaching breaking point.  When we gather to hear God’s word, we see how far we have gone wrong, and -yes – our reaction is surely to cry.

But the second thing that struck me in this passage is the response of the leaders.  They say, in verse 9, “This is a holy day to the Lord your God.  Don’t be sad or cry.”  And Nehemiah in verse 10 says: “Go and enjoy good food and sweet drinks.  Send some to people who have none, because today is a holy day to the Lord.  Don’t be sad, because the joy of the Lord will make you strong.”  The joy of the Lord is our strength – familiar words.

When we come to God, when we listen to his word, when we recognise all that we have done wrong – all the ways in which we have ‘strayed’ - he doesn’t condemn us, he loves us more.  ‘Draw near to God and he will draw near to you’.  The people of Israel had been scattered, Jerusalem had been destroyed, but this was a time of rebuilding and regathering, of drawing near to God.  Even as we recognise all the ways in which we have gone wrong we are drawing near to God.  And when we draw near to him in this way, he draws near to us and brings us joy. 

Verse 12 says: Then all the people went away to eat and to drink, to send some of their food to others and to celebrate with great joy. They went away to celebrate, and to share with each other.  Do you see that already they have understood something different?  They don’t want anyone to be missing out – all are included.  So, verse 12 finishes: They finally understood what they had been taught.  They understood, and they went with a new energy to live in a new way. 

When I hear God’s teaching in the context of all that is currently happening in the world, in the reality of my daily failures and disappointments, I think I begin to understand.  I am so thankful that God is greater than I can imagine; I am so grateful that God is love; I find peace and joy in knowing that I can’t fully understand God but that doesn’t stop him being with me and opening my eyes to see him at work.  And my understanding gives me energy to live in a new way – not to keep God’s love to myself but to share; to grow through connecting with others.

How do we make the joy of the Lord our strength, in such an uncertain and difficult time?  I think we begin by recognising where we have gone wrong.  We listen to God, we rebuild and restore, we live in a new way.  And we keep doing that: each time drawing a little closer to God.

The New testament reading for this week could have just been read as todays talk.  It is a clear passage about how to live.  I’m going to read it just now and I would ask that we let it show us where we have gone wrong, and encourage us to live in a new way because God loves us.

Colossians 3: 12-17 

God has chosen you and made you his holy people.  He loves you.  So always do these things: show mercy to others, be kind, humble, gentle and patient.  Get along with each other and forgive each other.  If someone does wrong to you, forgive that person because God forgave you.  Do all these things; but most important, love each other.  Love is what holds you together in perfect unity.  Let the peace that Christ gives control your thinking, because you were all called together in one body to have peace.  Always be thankful.  Let the teaching of Christ live in you richly.  Use all wisdom to teach and instruct each other by singing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with thankfulness in your hearts to God.  Everything you do or say should be done to obey Jesus your Lord.  And in all you do, give thanks to the father through Jesus.

All is Well: A Journey in Contemplation

b. Inner World - Inner Work

A journey on the contemplative path inevitably takes us into our inner world.  We travel into our own interior and what we seek there is ‘God’.  Many mystics and spiritual teachers have written about this incredible truth: we find the divine within ourselves. I believe a piece of the divine will always be within each one of us – God promised to never forsake us.  But if we want to find the divine and enable her to flourish – and not diminish - we need to be committed to exploring our inner world and doing our inner work.

In this I would encourage you to see psychology – the study of the mind - as your friend. Psychology can help us to understand some of our internal structures and this understanding can take us nearer to the divine within.  Psychology seeks to understand how our minds work – faith teaches us that our internal world is much bigger: we are commanded by Jesus to love God with all our mind, all our heart, all our soul and all our strength.  Our minds are a bridge into a much bigger internal world where we find the divine.  Psychological understanding takes us by the hand and helps us cross that bridge so that we can go deeper.  It brings wisdom, clarity and direction as we begin to explore within.

I am not an expert in psychology but some of the insights I have gained from it have helped me to understand myself and my faith more deeply.  For example, my understanding of the ego.  I think the concept of the ego is one with which many of us are familiar – it is a word that is used a lot in everyday discourse.  Our ego is our sense of self: it is what gives us our identity.  It is also the part of us that responds to the world around us, enabling us to function effectively in the different settings we find ourselves.  Our ego is essential to get through life and yet it can get in the way of our relationship with God.

Let me try to explain what I mean! I think all of us will have met someone, or know of someone, who has an ‘inflated ego’.  This person will be more concerned about how they appear as a person than about what is really going on inside.  They will project an identity into the world which is designed to make them ‘look good’ rather than be true to their interior world.  This can be a way to cope with reality, or it can be a way to find success in the eyes of the world.  What we need to recognise is that we all do this to some extent.  In coping with ‘reality’, we are not completely honest with ourselves.  We project a self that can cope with our circumstances and we end up investing in that ‘false self’ rather than facing the realities that dwell within and around us.  We build up our ego to cope with the world and become individuals who are increasingly self-reliant.  It is this individual that gets in the way of us finding God. Our ego urges us to be self-reliant; to prove that we can cope.  God urges us to rely on her; God is about connection, and we need to surrender ‘the self’ if we are to find true connection with the divine.

Jesus said: For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will save it.  What does it mean to ‘lose our life’? How do we understand this problematic teaching?  I believe the life that we need to surrender is that damaging aspect of our ego.  This can be a very painful process because our ego is what has enabled us to function in the world.  But I believe that it is only when we can give up this false identity that we will find our true identity in God.   Jesus teaches us again and again that death leads to life – his life on earth is the model of this.  It seems to me that our ego needs to ‘die’ so that we are free to find who we truly are in God - in love.   It is scary to let go of your identity but there is something in this journey that is very much to do with letting go and falling into God.  It is in God we find our true selves.  

As we journey into our inner world we need to be aware that we may find damage.  Unfortunately, being unaware of our interior world does not stop us from causing damage to it or being damaged by others.  As we journey inwardly we may come across scars, or even open wounds, and they can hurt.  Be aware that you will need help on this journey and, as you uncover things internally, you may need the help of a spiritual director, or a counsellor.  Remember that seeking help is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength.  Having someone walk alongside you can deepen your journey and help you to recognise what you find. 

A lot of the damage that is done to our inner world is done through a lack of love – more severe damage being done through abuse.  This can be self-inflicted or other-inflicted.  I do not want to downplay in any way the damage that can be done – it is real and it is painful - but I believe that the healing of all these wounds comes through love.  A lack of love was the cause: an ‘application’ of love is the cure.  Look at the impact of love on people.  Think of the impact of love on yourself.  Love is a healer.  Love can heal the deepest scars and wounds.  That is what love does.  As we do our inner work, we find God and allow her to expand. God expanding is love expanding and with that expansion comes healing.  When we learn to love and care for ourselves – not at the expense of others, but in a humble, awed way - we are letting God love us and some of the wounds we have lived with will begin to heal.

Our journey in contemplation will take us into our inner world and here we have work to do: to surrender the part of our ego that stands in the path between us and the divine; to allow the divine to expand and bring love and healing (that will spill out of us into the lives of others if we let it!).  This is not easy work and we will find that we will become distracted in oh, so many ways.  This is NOT easy work and we may well have to reach out and ask for help. But as we intentionally walk this path – picking ourselves back up again, re-orientating ourselves again, setting our eyes ahead again – God will honour our intentions, and give us glimpses of the ‘heaven’ that awaits us.