Musing #10 The End of the Summer

As someone who remains caught up in the rhythms of the academic year, the end of the summer is a time that evokes a mixture of feelings.  The freedom that enabled me to set my own pace has come to an end: I step back into the structure of a school day and a working week with all the restrictions and pressures that brings.  And yet that structure is also reassuring and familiar and, at the beginning of a new year there is the hope for the year ahead: new relationships; achievements; projects.  Another opportunity for a new beginning.

This year, as I came to the end of my summer break, I observed a different feeling, that has been there before but is difficult to name.  It is a sense of being scattered.  My summer weeks were packed full of activity and connection.  Each meet up, with family and friends, old and new, was a cherished time and yet somehow it feels like I left a part of myself out there, at each meet up.  And I am left with this sense of being scattered.

I am reminded of the wisdom which teaches that we need to stop and rest because we need to give time for ourselves to catch up with ourselves.  It is like these parts of myself have got snagged into the lives of the people I met with and it is difficult for them to untie themselves and make their way back to me.  There is a delay in the re-grouping.  And there is then a need for me to gather, not just wait for them to turn up.

Autumn, of course, is a time of gathering: we gather up the fruit of the seeds we earlier planted (and the seeds that planted themselves!).  In recognising this I reflected on all the meeting-ups and re-connections I had over the summer in a different way.  Each of them has produced fruit of some kind.  I spent some time looking through my diary and remembering my summer days.  I identified some of the fruit that they had produced: a new insight; a piece of knowledge; a deepening connection; a reconciliation; a felt empathy; a source of support.  These fruits are life giving and yet I nearly left them strewn across my summer.

So, my work now is to gather in the fruit.  Some of it I will eat with relish now: it will bring me joy as I step back into the routine of another school year. Some of it I will preserve and use to sustain me through the winter ahead.  Some of it is small and sweet and easy to swallow.  Others of it are complex: giving me something to chew on and mull over.  All of it gives me strength and becomes a part of who I am.

As you reach the end of your summer maybe you also feel scattered: maybe you equally have a harvest that needs to be gathered and relished, so that it doesn’t rot where it was left.  As we step into Autumn let us gather the fruits of our summer sowings to strengthen and encourage us on the road ahead.

 

All is Well: A Journey in Contemplation

e Love

This is where it all begins.  Growing up as a Christian I knew that love was at the centre of my faith but what I learnt often emphasised rules, obligations and beliefs.  For all the amazing words about love in the Bible, the realisation that God is love took a long time to dawn.  When I use love as the lens to read the Bible, observe the natural world and understand relationships, the world makes sense to me in a different way.  Love gives me a place to rest and a way forward, and I find it incredibly helpful to interchange the words God and Love.  When I see Love, I see God – when God is present, Love is manifest.  This is where it all begins. This is the ground that I stand on. This is what holds everything together.

What is love?  Love is a force and an energy that moves between us: in its perfection love drives out all fear: love is patient, kind and compassionate – it keeps no record of wrongs: love is what connects us.  When I ask myself what love is, I am asking myself who God is.  God is a force and an energy that moves between us: God drives out fear: God is patient, kind and compassionate – he keeps no record of wrongs: God is the force that draws us together.  God is present all the time – love is present all the time, only that sometimes we sail on unaware of this presence.  The call to contemplation is the call to slow down - to pause - and recognise the presence of love which is always accompanying us and within us.

One morning walking up to church a ‘picture’ came into my mind.  I was speaking that morning about the kingdom of God and the fact that each of us, by virtue of our existence, has a piece of God planted in us.  In my mind’s eye that piece of God inside each of us was a point of light – our individual opening to God.  As I pondered the picture it became like a dot-to-dot puzzle – if the points of light could be joined up they would create a picture of God’s Kingdom of Love. The image stayed with me and I realised that the way that we join up our points of light is through love.  When I act in love I draw a line between myself and the person I am loving.  The dot-to-dot puzzle is transformed into a web of light which grows and expands with each loving action, word, thought and prayer.  A picture of the creation of God’s kingdom of love.  I am not unique in having been given a picture like this. This force of Love, which some of us call God, wants to communicate with us and encourage us to live in line with love and create a beauty. 

Love is the true connector.  If we let Love do her work she will connect us deeply and widely, with people we find difficult; people we have never met; creatures and plants; the very earth.  That is Love’s work.

Think of someone that you find difficult.  It could be a neighbour, a colleague, a boss or a leader, someone at your church.  This person may be difficult in different ways.  Maybe you can not tolerate their political or religious beliefs; maybe they have been unkind to you; maybe you find them irritating or boring.  For a moment put that hurt or irritation out of your mind and think about the love that person has for someone in their life: their partner; their parents; their children; their friends.  That love they have is real – as real as the love you have for your partner; your parents; your children; your friends. I remember having this realisation when someone I don’t always find easy opened up about the concerns they had for their children.  Suddenly my internal judgement and my discomfort dissolved as I saw clearly this person’s love for their children.  It was a bit like tumbling to the ground – I saw what joined us, what made us the same.  That thing was love.  We stand on the same ground.  If we let her, Love will take us deeper.

Think of a situation in the world which you may not understand or know much about, but you know that people are suffering.  Unfortunately, there are many to choose from.  Often the people we see on the television news or in pictures in newspapers are nameless, but even if we know their names it can feel impossible to connect with them.  Just for a moment think about the nameless person or people and remember that they are someone’s child.  Maybe they are someone’s sister, or brother; someone’s mother or father; someone’s friend.  Their situation – their suffering – is having an impact on a web of people who may well be in the same danger.  The love they have for each other is real, and it is the same love that you have for that web of people that surround you.  They and we are human, and the love that they and we give and receive connects us.  If we let her, Love will take us wider.

If we let her, Love will connect us with the living creatures on land, sea and sky; with the trees and plants; with the very elements of the earth.  Because we are all made from the same stardust. Our likeness draws us together, whilst also generating the energy that allows our universe to keep expanding.  Love anchors us and allows us to grow.

For me the journey in contemplation is answering the call to Love.  Tuning into a different spiritual wavelength in order to experience and pass on this positive force which is God.  It involves: slowing down; letting go of the things that distract; being intentional; recognising love at work in places I don’t expect to find it.  Surely this is the key to life: surely this is the Way. And the Truth.  And the Life.  Because Love is the answer: the answer to my frustrations, my fears, my disappointments, my failures, my desires.  Sometimes the road that it takes me on is hard: it looks like the road of loss, deprivation and failure.  Love doesn’t take away pain or darkness: it enables the suffering to transform us and it never lets us go. 

Photo by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash
 

 All is Well: A Journey in Contemplation

c. Getting Started

Where does this contemplative journey begin?  Maybe the first thing to recognise is that the journey has begun – you are already on the road.  If you’re reading this blog you’re already thinking about contemplation and may well already be developing some practises that help you.  The danger here is that we procrastinate – we spend our time trying to find the practise that is perfect for us; or we read endless books about the benefits of contemplation or the science behind it; or we get bogged down in the theology; or we make a very long list about all the reasons why we can’t get started!  So, begin by recognising that you have started, and that Love dwells within you and is with you.  You are not alone.

Everyone is different, and though some have given very particular guidelines on how to meditate or express gratitude or pray, in the end what we do is up to us.  And what each of us do will differ, and that doesn’t matter.  There are no hard and fast rules here, but there is lots of wisdom to draw on and that can be helpful.  Any wisdom I have about getting started is gleaned from others: here let me share some of the basics that I have found helpful.

A first step is to slow down.  Our tendency in modern life is to fill our life completely to the brim – our lives become so full that we end up rushing from appointment to appointment; grabbing food on the go; squeezing in a conversation here and a visit there.  The answer to ‘how are you?’ has become ‘busy’, and often that is seen as a very positive thing.  In fact, if you can’t reel off a list of all the things you have been doing recently you can be made to feel a bit like a failure.  For some of us the Covid lockdowns created space and time – many of the things we had filled our lives with came to a standstill: we were released from that prison of activity and focused on what really mattered.  It was a lesson:  we need to slow down.  We need to eat a meal and really experience what it tastes like.  We need to have a conversation and really listen.  We need to pause before moving on to the next thing on the list.  Here we have a battle with our ego – we feel better about ourselves when we feel needed; when we have something special to talk about; when we can be the centre of attention.  But if we are to slow down we will have to let go of these things.  How often have you heard people claim that they don’t have enough time?  As you read this are you already thinking: I don’t have time to slow down?  We will have to ‘deny ourselves’ and let the ego die a little.  The truth of the matter is that I cannot magically make time.  To find the time to slow down, I am going to have to die a little.  I am going to have to let go of some things and consider what I want to hold onto. And whatever it is that you’re holding onto really tightly – that you really don’t want to let go of – can you try to open your hand a little?  Can you hold it more lightly?  Can you open your hand and let whatever it is rest there instead of gripping it?  When we let go, when we loosen our grip, we create space.  When we slow down, we open up gaps.  Gaps into which God can climb; space into which God can grow.

How tempting it is to fill the space we open up with noise.  I have enjoyed my own company most of my life.  Or maybe I have thought I have.  Because what I have enjoyed is listening to the radio or reading a book.  It is so easy to fill our lives with information and communication.  We no longer just have the radio or books, we have tv and podcasts and emails and Facebook and Instagram…  As soon as we make space there are literally hundreds of things waiting to invade that space and fill it.  We easily fill up the space that God could have climbed into.  To keep that space open we need the ‘disciplines’ of silence, stillness and solitude.

The wonderful gifts of silence, stillness and solitude can be taken at your own pace and according to your own need.  For myself I know that I have only dipped my toe into each – there is so much more there.  Because these three are expansive, free and freeing.  It is important to recognise that it is not easy for everyone to find a place of silence or stillness, or to be on their own in solitude – if it is difficult for you try taking the opportunities as and when they arise.  To me these three are like blankets that we can wrap ourselves in and part of the ‘trick’ is to recognise opportunities and take them.  For me days at home were often accompanied by the radio – even when I was not really listening to it – the discipline of leaving the radio off has opened up some silence for me.  Times of solitude have been taken through walking home from work instead of taking the bus or making the most of washing up or doing another chore on my own.  I probably find stillness the biggest challenge which leads us on to ‘meditation’.

Meditation is taking time to be still.  To still not just the body but also the mind.  On a contemplative journey it is a key practise, and there are many books you can read about it and much advice you can find.  My advice would simply be to have a go.  Have a go, remembering that nobody says this is an easy practise.  Don’t judge what happens: don’t think about your failure or success.  To the extent that you can, just be.  Your mind will fill with thoughts, you will find yourself distracted, or you may find yourself asleep.  Forgive yourself, turn back to God, and try again.  But try not to try – just be.  Again, different people will find different things helpful. Some find a sacred word helpful; for others engaging with one particular sense can help to still the mind; for others a mental picture can enable them to let go of thoughts.  I sometimes get a sense of where I am sitting inside of myself – as I relax into meditation I can let myself drop deeper, underneath all the agitation and, sometimes for a moment, the thoughts slip away.  I find I need to let go and purposefully orient myself towards God, towards Love – there is something intentional – I am not ‘switching off’ I am switching on to something divine that is beyond my understanding.

In my own experience spiritual direction has been very helpful.  A spiritual director is there as a facilitator – they do not tell you what to do but facilitate your relationship with God, inside you and around you.  A simple, well ‘managed’ conversation which helps you unpack what is inside you, also enables you to unpack God inside of you.  You can begin to recognise with greater clarity what God is doing in you and around you.  You can gain support and encouragement when you feel a bit lost: helped to find the piece of Light-God-Love that with nourishment will grow.  In many senses then, spiritual direction is not about keeping you on the ‘right path’ but about recognising God around and within you on your journey.  It is not a case of finding the right direction but of waking up to the fact that God is with, and within, you.

Through this contemplative journey our aim is connection.  God is all about connection rather than separation, so one way in which we can connect with God is through connecting with creation. Many of us will have been privileged to visit a place where the beauty of God’s creation is literally awe-inspiring.  The beauty and grandeur of mountains, the power and peace of the ocean, the comfort and company of a wood or forest.  There are times when we are tangibly touched by what we see, and we feel a stirring in our soul.  Not so many of us will have the fortune to live in a place of such beauty, but even if we do familiarity can lead to us taking what is around us for granted.  It is a discipline to find God in creation – to notice the things of beauty all around us and develop an ‘every day awe’ that can draw us closer to the Divine.  When we slow down we have the time to notice the natural world.  We see creation pushing through any spaces our concrete jungle leaves vacant – an echo of the way God will push into the spaces in our souls that we open up.  And of course, each one of us is a creation of God.  We find God through connecting with each other.  Through creating community and having the humility to see God in each other.

Which brings us to our own bodies.  We are ‘fearfully and wonderfully made’.  For all our problems with image, with what we look like, and our health and the impact this has on our lives, we are ‘fearfully and wonderfully made’.  To recognise that I am made by God is to see my body as sacred in some way.  The Bible talks about the body being the ‘temple of the Lord’ and if I believe that God lives inside me then surely that is what my body is.  We can suffer in many different ways physically and when we do we often suffer mentally, spiritually and emotionally as well.  Our body, mind, spirit and soul are all linked which means that when we look after our body that has an impact on our mind, spirit, soul and our emotions.  We need to consider what we consume and what affect that has on our body.  We need to think about our activity, or lack of it.  Our body is a gift, a temple, a creation of God.  I started fasting on a weekly basis to help myself from a physical health point of view: I felt my gut needed a weekly rest.  I can not completely pin down the affect this has had on me spiritually but there is something.  Maybe giving my gut a rest, somehow gives my soul a rest too.  I can’t explain it, but the different elements of our being are one, so it makes sense to me that when I look after one part of myself the others also benefit.  This I know is a common experience – you don’t need to be an athlete or a wholefood guru to know that when you are fit or when you have eaten well, it is not only your body that feels good.  It has an impact on your whole being.

This wholeness is something we need to hold onto as we continue on our contemplative journey.  Modern life and thinking almost necessitates us to compartmentalise our lives, whether that be to think separately about our physical and mental health or keep our spiritual practises within a designated time. God is not like that.  God is about integrating and bringing things together.  Patterns in nature and his creation teach us this – everything has an impact on everything else: everything is connected.  So, it is critical that we do not think of contemplation as something new that we are going to carve out time for and create a new compartment.  Contemplation needs to be integrated into the whole of my life – wherever I am, whatever I am doing – it is more an attitude of mind than a practise.  Through contemplation I will see that God is woven into all the different threads of my life; I will begin to see the patterns he is making; and wake up to the beauty that she is creating that has always been there.

 

 

Musing #2:  Soul Searching

Last Sunday I was listening to the news on the radio.  A reporter was talking to a man in Derna, Libya, where the catastrophic flooding took place – as I write it is known to have taken 11,000 lives.  The man had travelled to Derna with a group of his friends.  They were taking a boat out to sea, diving and looking for bodies.  They were bringing the bodies back one by one.  The reporter asked how he was coping with what he was doing.  He talked about his spirit being broken but he added: There’s something inside that keeps us going.

I’m not totally sure what I understand the human soul to be.  It is not a physical organ and, as far as I am aware, it is not something that psychologists have named as such.  What I notice is that there is this ‘something’ inside us as human beings.  And if you’re listening, and noticing, you start to see it and hear it: you start to become aware of a whole world that is going on at a different level – a deeper level.

I love words, and the word soul is one to look out for and savour.  If you are someone who reads the Bible look out for the word soul.  Consider how it is used; what it is meaning.  But you don’t have to open a sacred text to find soul: soul-mate; soul music; soul food.  When I hear the word soul I find it is good to ponder why it is being used – what is it getting at.  There is, of course, a dictionary definition but I’m not sure that really helps us feel what soul is about.  As we ponder its use I think we edge around it – gradually closing in on it; we add layers to its meaning and give it its intrinsic depth; and we feel it in our own souls.  Our souls echo back that understanding.

Yesterday I was cleaning, and I spotted a spiders web.  Not the pretty kind – the kind that hang around like an elongated piece of dust.  Once I’d removed it I spotted another, and another… I’d tuned into spider webs and suddenly I saw them everywhere!  I think we can do the same with soul.  Noticing it in one place will help us to observe it in other places.  And observing it ‘out there’ in other human beings will encourage our own soul: in some intangible way that eternal part of our self will know it is seen and cherished.  Which speaks of our connection, as human beings and creatures, at a soul level…

Is it something you feel?  I’d love to know!

 

PS Had to go and listen to this wonderful song by Labi Siffre:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7B-4Lsrx8IA