All is Well: A Journey in Contemplation

b. Inner World - Inner Work

A journey on the contemplative path inevitably takes us into our inner world.  We travel into our own interior and what we seek there is ‘God’.  Many mystics and spiritual teachers have written about this incredible truth: we find the divine within ourselves. I believe a piece of the divine will always be within each one of us – God promised to never forsake us.  But if we want to find the divine and enable her to flourish – and not diminish - we need to be committed to exploring our inner world and doing our inner work.

In this I would encourage you to see psychology – the study of the mind - as your friend. Psychology can help us to understand some of our internal structures and this understanding can take us nearer to the divine within.  Psychology seeks to understand how our minds work – faith teaches us that our internal world is much bigger: we are commanded by Jesus to love God with all our mind, all our heart, all our soul and all our strength.  Our minds are a bridge into a much bigger internal world where we find the divine.  Psychological understanding takes us by the hand and helps us cross that bridge so that we can go deeper.  It brings wisdom, clarity and direction as we begin to explore within.

I am not an expert in psychology but some of the insights I have gained from it have helped me to understand myself and my faith more deeply.  For example, my understanding of the ego.  I think the concept of the ego is one with which many of us are familiar – it is a word that is used a lot in everyday discourse.  Our ego is our sense of self: it is what gives us our identity.  It is also the part of us that responds to the world around us, enabling us to function effectively in the different settings we find ourselves.  Our ego is essential to get through life and yet it can get in the way of our relationship with God.

Let me try to explain what I mean! I think all of us will have met someone, or know of someone, who has an ‘inflated ego’.  This person will be more concerned about how they appear as a person than about what is really going on inside.  They will project an identity into the world which is designed to make them ‘look good’ rather than be true to their interior world.  This can be a way to cope with reality, or it can be a way to find success in the eyes of the world.  What we need to recognise is that we all do this to some extent.  In coping with ‘reality’, we are not completely honest with ourselves.  We project a self that can cope with our circumstances and we end up investing in that ‘false self’ rather than facing the realities that dwell within and around us.  We build up our ego to cope with the world and become individuals who are increasingly self-reliant.  It is this individual that gets in the way of us finding God. Our ego urges us to be self-reliant; to prove that we can cope.  God urges us to rely on her; God is about connection, and we need to surrender ‘the self’ if we are to find true connection with the divine.

Jesus said: For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will save it.  What does it mean to ‘lose our life’? How do we understand this problematic teaching?  I believe the life that we need to surrender is that damaging aspect of our ego.  This can be a very painful process because our ego is what has enabled us to function in the world.  But I believe that it is only when we can give up this false identity that we will find our true identity in God.   Jesus teaches us again and again that death leads to life – his life on earth is the model of this.  It seems to me that our ego needs to ‘die’ so that we are free to find who we truly are in God - in love.   It is scary to let go of your identity but there is something in this journey that is very much to do with letting go and falling into God.  It is in God we find our true selves.  

As we journey into our inner world we need to be aware that we may find damage.  Unfortunately, being unaware of our interior world does not stop us from causing damage to it or being damaged by others.  As we journey inwardly we may come across scars, or even open wounds, and they can hurt.  Be aware that you will need help on this journey and, as you uncover things internally, you may need the help of a spiritual director, or a counsellor.  Remember that seeking help is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength.  Having someone walk alongside you can deepen your journey and help you to recognise what you find. 

A lot of the damage that is done to our inner world is done through a lack of love – more severe damage being done through abuse.  This can be self-inflicted or other-inflicted.  I do not want to downplay in any way the damage that can be done – it is real and it is painful - but I believe that the healing of all these wounds comes through love.  A lack of love was the cause: an ‘application’ of love is the cure.  Look at the impact of love on people.  Think of the impact of love on yourself.  Love is a healer.  Love can heal the deepest scars and wounds.  That is what love does.  As we do our inner work, we find God and allow her to expand. God expanding is love expanding and with that expansion comes healing.  When we learn to love and care for ourselves – not at the expense of others, but in a humble, awed way - we are letting God love us and some of the wounds we have lived with will begin to heal.

Our journey in contemplation will take us into our inner world and here we have work to do: to surrender the part of our ego that stands in the path between us and the divine; to allow the divine to expand and bring love and healing (that will spill out of us into the lives of others if we let it!).  This is not easy work and we will find that we will become distracted in oh, so many ways.  This is NOT easy work and we may well have to reach out and ask for help. But as we intentionally walk this path – picking ourselves back up again, re-orientating ourselves again, setting our eyes ahead again – God will honour our intentions, and give us glimpses of the ‘heaven’ that awaits us.