Autumn

As I step in to Autumn

the days close around me.

The edges of light draw in.

I am not restricted:

I am held.

Encircled.

And I slip,

foetus-like,

into the place of rest.

 

When the clouds are heavy

and the storm breaks,

I sense my vulnerability.

The encroaching fear

needles me.

Will the flood sweep me away?

 

But the holding is gentle

and the silence is safe:

it beckons me deeper.

Encased as a seed,

I tumble into the abyss

and curl into the loam.

 

I am planted deep in the divine.

The darkness shines.

I wait to hear love’s call.

Photo by Red Dot on Unsplash

Musing #10 The End of the Summer

As someone who remains caught up in the rhythms of the academic year, the end of the summer is a time that evokes a mixture of feelings.  The freedom that enabled me to set my own pace has come to an end: I step back into the structure of a school day and a working week with all the restrictions and pressures that brings.  And yet that structure is also reassuring and familiar and, at the beginning of a new year there is the hope for the year ahead: new relationships; achievements; projects.  Another opportunity for a new beginning.

This year, as I came to the end of my summer break, I observed a different feeling, that has been there before but is difficult to name.  It is a sense of being scattered.  My summer weeks were packed full of activity and connection.  Each meet up, with family and friends, old and new, was a cherished time and yet somehow it feels like I left a part of myself out there, at each meet up.  And I am left with this sense of being scattered.

I am reminded of the wisdom which teaches that we need to stop and rest because we need to give time for ourselves to catch up with ourselves.  It is like these parts of myself have got snagged into the lives of the people I met with and it is difficult for them to untie themselves and make their way back to me.  There is a delay in the re-grouping.  And there is then a need for me to gather, not just wait for them to turn up.

Autumn, of course, is a time of gathering: we gather up the fruit of the seeds we earlier planted (and the seeds that planted themselves!).  In recognising this I reflected on all the meeting-ups and re-connections I had over the summer in a different way.  Each of them has produced fruit of some kind.  I spent some time looking through my diary and remembering my summer days.  I identified some of the fruit that they had produced: a new insight; a piece of knowledge; a deepening connection; a reconciliation; a felt empathy; a source of support.  These fruits are life giving and yet I nearly left them strewn across my summer.

So, my work now is to gather in the fruit.  Some of it I will eat with relish now: it will bring me joy as I step back into the routine of another school year. Some of it I will preserve and use to sustain me through the winter ahead.  Some of it is small and sweet and easy to swallow.  Others of it are complex: giving me something to chew on and mull over.  All of it gives me strength and becomes a part of who I am.

As you reach the end of your summer maybe you also feel scattered: maybe you equally have a harvest that needs to be gathered and relished, so that it doesn’t rot where it was left.  As we step into Autumn let us gather the fruits of our summer sowings to strengthen and encourage us on the road ahead.

 

 

Sermon: James 2:1-7/Mark 7: 24-37

Theme: God's Grace

Something was said to me recently that wasn’t new, but hit home in a different way.  The comment was:  Everything from God is given…  Everything from God is given: it is a gift.

We know this – grace is the basis of our faith – and yet that simple fact touched me again and released some of the tension in me.  There is nothing I can do to make those ‘God moments’ happen – they are not as a result of my effort, or my goodness, or my ability.  They are graced moments given by God.  

I think that our lives are probably littered with those moments but often we are not awake enough – alert enough – to recognise them and relish them.  So, there’s a letting go of the straining to achieve and of the effort (because all is grace) and there’s a waking up to what is already there: waiting for us to notice.

There’s a tension in this – letting go and waking up feel like opposites.  And I find a tension within me because I long to draw nearer to God, and yet my faith teaches me that there is nothing I can do to make it happen: everything from God is given.

The words and stories that we find in our reading today are helpful in this tension.  There is nothing we can do to earn or achieve God’s presence but look at these words.  What todays readings speak to me of is our attitude.  Because our attitude can definitely get in the way of God’s grace – prevent it from reaching us.

Our reading in James is subtitled: ‘Favouritism Forbidden’.  These are strong words from James.  He points out that when you favour the rich and dismiss the poor you have ‘become judges with evil thoughts’ (v4).  When I reflect back I can’t think of times when I have favoured the rich and dismissed the poor but, honestly, it wouldn’t take long to think of a time when I have favoured one person over another.  Part of me feels like that is ‘just human’: one of those things that I just can’t change, but life has taught me differently through the grace of God.  I can honestly say that there have been people in my life who I have found difficult and avoided, but when I have let go of my discrimination and judgement something has opened up within me and changed within me.  There has been some kind of release.

Because you see, God does not discriminate.  That is difficult for us to get our heads around: how can God love that awkward, bossy, angry, violent, aggressive, patronising, self-important person as much as me?  Well, he does.  And it is when we can leave our prejudices behind that we can walk a step nearer to God’s grace.  The picture that comes into my head is of God’s grace literally pouring into the world.  When we discriminate it is like we put up an umbrella and we stop God’s grace and love from reaching us.  Maybe God’s grace feels a bit too much for us – some how we need that protection. More and more I just want to be soaked in it.  It is completely from God but letting go of my prejudice will help me to stand in a place where it can reach me.

Our Gospel passage gives us two more clues as to what we can do to change our attitude and be in the right place in our hearts to receive God.  In our Gospel we have two healings.  They are quite different.  In the first a Syrophoenician woman comes to ask for healing for her daughter.  Note that, in this passage, Jesus is wanting to stay hidden.  I wonder if he was seeking out rest and refreshment?  But the woman comes and falling at his feet, makes her request.

Jesus’ answer sounds harsh: First let the children eat all they want for it is not right to take the children's bread and toss it to their dogs.

How would you respond to that? How would it make you feel? In our current culture where offence is so easily given and taken I can imagine people being outraged – getting up and walking out, but not the woman in our story, she says: Yes, Lord, but even the dogs under the table eat the children’s crumbs.

She is able to accept what Jesus has said and she trusts in his love, his generosity and his power – she knew that he could help her.  She accepted her position and believed Jesus could and would help her. And it is this that seems to change Jesus’ response – he says to her: For such a reply, you may go; the demon has left your daughter.  It is almost as if Jesus is compelled to respond and heal because of the woman’s words.  Her words must have come from her heart – they were not ‘just’ words.  So, here is another way to put ourselves in the way of God’s grace: to humbly and sincerely know our status and to have complete confidence in God’s love.  Again, I can’t earn God’s healing or grace – it is a gift of God – but is it my attitude that is getting in the way?

Lastly, the story of the deaf and mute man.  It does feel in these stories that Jesus is reluctant to heal.  We read that the people who bring this man to Jesus beg him to touch their friend.  Jesus takes him away from the crowds and then: put his fingers in his ears, then he spat and touched the man’s tongue.  I wonder what is going on in the man’s head…!  I wonder if he trusted Jesus?  I wonder if Jesus needed to do those things?  However, what I find more interesting is the word that Jesus speaks.  He says to the man: be opened.  We can take that literally:  physically his ears needed to be opened and  a metaphoric opening of his mouth was also necessary.  But to me there is something more significant going on here, spiritually.  It’s like there is some kind of blockage in the man that needs to be opened.

I wonder which part of us is blocked.  Have we closed ourselves off from God in some way?  Can we submit to Jesus and let him open us up?

God’s grace, God’s touch, God’s love is not earned – it is given freely as a gift.  This life we have is a gift from God.  There is nothing we can do to earn God’s grace – that is why it is call grace.

But let us examine our hearts – are they ready to accept the gifts that God is showering on us:

Have we rid ourselves of discrimination?

Are we aware of our status before God?  Yes, we are his children, but do we come with the humility which acknowledges God for who God is?

Do we have faith in God’s power, love and generosity?

Have we opened ourselves up to what God wants to do in us?

Can you picture yourself standing in the showers of God’s grace? Can you come out from the shelter, put down the umbrella, even take off your coat and hat: God wants us to receive and absorb all he has to give!